Tag: ritual

Ritual for marking a lost year

kewalkerLeave a comment

A friend of mine recently asked, “Has anyone else thought about just starting a new planner because they’ve had to cross so many things out?”. It was half a joke. Half. The last few weeks have not been what anyone planned, and it is unclear how much more will be disrupted by this new normal. Schools in our state were officially closed for the rest of the academic year.  

As I watched that press conference, I thought about my friend’s planner. The greatest struggle right now isn’t that lots of things are canceled or postponed or rearranged. The more significant issue is that we all need to grieve things that are canceled, postponed, or rearranged. What if our now inaccurate planners offer an opportunity to process our emotions and re-imagine what was to be?

This week, try this. Go through your planner or calendar and identify all the things that were canceled or postponed. If you don’t usually keep a planner or written calendar, make a list of these events. (Here’s a PDF chart that might help). Look back a month and ahead a month or two. 

I liked using post-it notes for this next step, but make in a list on a separate sheet of paper or using a new planner works well too. For each event, write down:

  • What were you most looking forward to about this? (moment/ event/ detail)
  • Why was it important to you? (feeling/ desire)
  • What markers of the event are still possible?

Looking at those answers, make a plan for how you will mark that day now. This is not a replacement, but a way to honor what is lost. For instance, if you have a child finishing kindergarten, it might go:

  • What were you most looking forward to about this? Taking pictures of them standing on the stage.
  • Why was it important to you? They’ve worked really hard, and I want to celebrate them becoming a “big kid.”
  • What markers of that event are still possible?  Taking pictures, family cheering as their name is announced, making a memory box of their kindergarten stuff, wearing a graduation cap, having a special meal, etc.

Maybe on the day they should have graduated, you’ll get dressed up, do a “red carpet” photo-shoot in your living room, and then look at pictures of things they did in school this year.

The plans don’t have to be elaborate. What is important is that they are intentional. Don’t merely let special days slide by or spend them wishing for what cannot be. You can put the post-it with the plan over the original date in your calendar, or write the plan in a new calendar, or post your list where you will see it and follow through on the plans. As you cover the original, or write out the new one, say a prayer of thanks for all the work that went into your first plan and for what is possible with this new one.

You don’t have to tackle the whole calendar at once. Pick a few things at a time. Create a many missed event rituals as you need. This is a simple way to acknowledge things we can’t do and work through our feelings of loss. It also encourages us to create memories of joy and purpose rather than absence. I hope it helps.

What other ways are coping with pandemic life right now? Put your ideas and brainstorms in the comments.

Why I’m choosing palms

kewalkerLeave a comment

Notice we have turned to ritual. The world turned upside down, and suddenly my Facebook feed is full of Morning check-ins and calls for door decorations. It shouldn’t be surprising; ritual has long been the way that we create rhythm and mark meaning in life. It is a visible expression of the faith we hold, the faith we need in our hardest times.

But in life before corona virus, few of us lived lives steeped in ritual. So now we are cobbling together whatever we can from memories, inspirations, and leftover craft supplies.  We are looking to proclaim comfort and hope.  Yet we need to be aware that rituals form as much as they express.  It is good to look for things that will embody faith, but as we create them we should be conscious of the deeper meanings we might be embedding

My digital ecosystem offered me several options for what to do with my door this week. Two seemed to gain the most traction. Hanging palm branches or marking the door frame with red. There are palm branches on my door.

We reach for ritual when we need something. Right now, we desperately want this quarantine to be over, for our friends and family to be safe, and to know that there is hope beyond the present moment. Some Christians have noted that the Jewish festival of Passover runs from April 8th through 16th. They recognize that we are all hungry for deliverance and are marking their doors with red cloth or ribbon. This is not the ritual we’re looking for.

First of all, Passover is a sacred Jewish celebration steeped in ritual and tradition.  Traditions which those of us outside the faith do not fully understand and should be hesitant to co-opt for our own needs.

Second, Exodus is a story of God’s deliverance. But the Passover comes at the cost of Egyptian children.  That is not a small detail. I firmly believe God does not require a blood sacrifice for anyone’s salvation. I’m uncomfortable with the implication that I would like God to pass over my house, but I have little concern for this disease and death that could be visited on others. I don’t think anyone intends such a statement, but rituals carry layers of meaning often beyond our conscious intentions.

Third, if we are looking to enact a great story of death and resurrection, we don’t have to search outside the Christian tradition. It is Holy Week. It is the moment when we tell our most important story. The Church has 2000 years of ritual tradition to offer us in this season. We should avail ourselves of it.

There are poms on my door because on Sunday my King rode into Jerusalem on a donkey promising a new Kingdom not ruled by violence and fear. On Thursday, I will practice washing as a holy act to remember what it is to serve and to prepare. On Friday, I will mourn for all those who die by no fault of their own, and I will face my mortality. So that on Easter, I will truly understand the glory of the resurrection.

This is a story we need to tell right now, and even though we are distant from our church buildings, it is a story we can enact in ritual in our home And embedded in our hearts. Join me on the journey this week. Put palms on your door, wash your hands, set aside space to grieve. And next Sunday, add some Flowers some ribbon some color to those leaves on your door as we mark Easter resurrection.